For the last couple of months, I've been ruminating on which columnists taken together would make for a great poker game. The first two seats at the table are already occupied:
"All well and good", you say, "but that's not much of a game." Too true; if Steyn's playing with Canadian dollars, he's already at a huge disadvantage.
So --- who else?
Well, as of today I'm leaning pretty strongly towards National Review's Victor Davis Hanson, on the strength of his "Postmodern Palestine" column, and not just because he's beautifully articulated things that I constantly mutter under my breath. No, it's also because every poker game needs a Herodotus-quoting guy who looks like Charlton Heston.
Before anyone asks --- no, Jonah can't play. The divine Mr. G is doubtless a gentleman and a scholar, and in fact, is just the sort of guy I'd want to play poker with. Why? Because he will come to the table with his ideas about how to play poker fixed in his mind, and he will stand by his guns come hell or high water --- or rather, until his money's gone. Steyn, Kelly, and Hanson would clean him out in about twenty minutes, and he'd spend the rest of the night sulking and trying to get someone to lend him a c-note to get back in the game, because just a few more hands would prove his theory***. So --- no, Jonah stays at the children's table until he learns realpokertik.
So that's three so far. The only other person I'd add to the scenario just now is someone to fetch sandwiches and take the empties away; the Theotard or Robert Fisk come to mind. Michael Moore would be on the list, but you just know the sandwiches would never make it to the table. Fisk is looking pretty good for this spot, 'cause it's gotta be someone who can take some damage; I anticipate a poker game much like the one in "Goodfellas", where the sandwich-bringing-guy gets shot at pretty regularly, and Fisk can probably take a bullet in any non-essential location (which is to say "anything north of the cerebellum") and still work in his chosen profession.
So that's the poker game so far. I'd happily entertain further nominations at email@example.com. Till then, never draw to an inside straight.
* If the link is broken, just go to www.nationalpost.com and click through "Commentary" and "Columnists" till you find him.
** In fact, I checked the website two or three times, virus-checked my computer, called some friends to see if this was some kind of sick joke, checked my DSL cable for suspicious breaks in the insulation, called the Psychic Friends Network, forced my ISP to bring a new DSL modem out, angrily denounced the industrial-military complex, chanted "The power of Christ compels you", and boycotted Nestle. Only then did I believe.
*** Which amounts to "Germans love David Hasselhoff."