John Dvorak's name has been floating around the blogosphere for a while; apparently he's railing against blogs or some damn thing, I dunno... having had to deal with him a couple times over the years, I can't read his column without flying into a towering rage and screaming things like "How the HELL would you know, pinhead?" --- so, no Dvorak for this kid. I actually started writing a blogpost about him a few weeks ago, but I decided to spike it because it was getting too mean. I know that it's hard to believe that I could ever be mean, but it's true. Here's an excerpt:
To truly appreciate this, you must have seen Dvorak walk, but in case you haven't: imagine a legged pear, dressed in a blue suit. Further, imagine that this pear has attempted to stimulate its prostate gland with a Philips screwdriver, but lost its grip on the 'driver which vanished into the Baldwin-Gere tract. Finally, imagine that the pear has some kind of side-whomping joint rot that causes it to try to step further than its legs will allow. The overall effect is something like Jabba the Hutt speedwalking.
The rest of the story is: he cut through my booth at a trade show, so I started walking behind him doing a comical impression. He probably thought "Ah, my loyal fans smile and laugh as I walk among them. Truly, I am Philosopher King."
The big event at the awards ceremony was the awarding of the John C. Dvorak Award For Best Development In the Field of Email Reading Software Developed By a Colorado Resident. Oddly enough, the show's organizer was a Colorado resident who had developed some email reading software, and he won, by golly. The John C. Dvorak Award for Best Backstage Handjob was presumably awarded later at a small private ceremony.
The John C. Dvorak Award for Best Poetic Mocking of a Know-Nothing Blowhard goes to Stacy at Blogatelle, and if John C. Dvorak had a John C. Dvorak Award For Website Design By a Haiku Writing Website Designer, she'd probably take home the hardware on that one too.