The United States military is seeking to develop the ultimate “Stink Bomb“.
The idea is to make a bomb that can be set off in an unruly crowd, which creates an odor so noxious that everyone leaves. No word yet on whether Roseanne Barr would be drafted to aid the research.
Warning: Does not work on members of al-Qaida or Yasser Arafat, all of whom have all developed an immunity to bad odor.
But we here at Happy Fun Pundit applaud the military's creative bomb-making, and in that spirit would like to offer some other bombs that could be used for crowd control:
- The Jesse Jackson Bomb: When released, it begins making a long, boring speech about the needs of the poor, and then robotic arms spring out and force people to hand over all their money.
- The Michael Bellesiles Bomb: When set off, it lies to everyone about the location of the riot so that they all go to the wrong place. And the best thing is, it's apparently reusable.
- The Michael Moore Bomb: When detonated, it begins to utter incoherent and confusing statements until the crowd loses all sense of direction and disperses. It may also have a secondary odor release mode.
- The Tom Daschle Bomb: When released, it begins droning on about how disappointed it is with all the rioters, and doesn't stop until the crowd is asleep. Then it brings in the Jesse Jackson bomb to take everyone's money.
- The Tom Ridge Bomb:: Okay, here's the thing. When it's ready to go off, there will be a yellow indicator. If the indicator turns green, that means it could go off at any time. However, if it turns orange, that means that it probably won't go off now, but could at any time. The Fuscia indicator, on the other hand...
- The VodkaPundit bomb, which when detonated releases thousands of test tubes of Bacardi shots. When the crowd awakens the next morning it discovers that it is engaged to the Vodkapundit bomb.